A Lost Memory Of My Mind

I miss you. I can’t lie to myself anymore. I miss you so very much. You were the small ember that kept me warm in the darkest part of my mind. Just like any light source I took you for granted and allowed you to burn out. Looking back now, I wish I was stronger, I wish I was better,  I wish I was ready.  You said it if I held on too tight you would fall right through. I did the opposite, I barely held you. My misunderstanding of your value allowed you to fall through my hands and into the abyss that is my twisted heart. It took three years of personal torture, of self hate, of personal abandonment to figure out that I loved you, and still love you.  You understood me and was willing to protect me from everything, everyone and even myself.  I abused you,  there is no denying that or rather how could I deny that.  They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result everytime,  well this is what I’ve been doing when I lie down. I play how could I have loved you differently but the truth is we will never know. In this world second chances don’t exist, but its okay. I will still always love you.

-Moh.

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